i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
