I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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