he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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