I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
