he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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