I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
