come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
