if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
