He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
