Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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