Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
