Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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