I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
