i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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