Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
