girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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