is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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