you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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