just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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