glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
