absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
