I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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