I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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