Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
