my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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