He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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