Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
