Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
