Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
