***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
