im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
tell me about the fingering
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
