What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
