But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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