i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize