My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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