That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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