The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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