I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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