Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
