i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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