apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
