I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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