I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
