Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
