Soap is not a condiment
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
