Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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