you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
