just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
