You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
