I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
