Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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