The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
