There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
