Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
