Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
