literally had 100 drinks last night.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
