yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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