A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize