You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I could make wine with my vomit
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
