Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
