hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
