I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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