just tell him i said nine months
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
