On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize