im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
