i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
