I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
