My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
