He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
