Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize